“I think I need to keep my distance from you.”
The words appeared in a text from a close friend, hitting me with a wave of confusion. Why? I asked, searching for clarity.
“This isn’t against you in any way,” came the vague response.
I stared at my bedroom ceiling, my coffee-induced headache dulling the weight of my emotions, until the reality settled in, sharp and sudden, like an arrow blindly piercing my heart. I was heartbroken. My mind flooded with unanswered questions, though I knew I’d never get the closure I sought.
Intuitively, I sensed something was wrong, but there was no concrete evidence — just a gnawing feeling of powerlessness.
As the initial shock faded, self-doubt crept in. I spiraled into self-attack mode, consumed by intrusive thoughts: “It must be me. I’m the problem.” “I’m not good enough.” Rejection from someone you care about can make you question your worth, distorting your perception of yourself.
But as I journaled and reflected on the experience, something shifted in my mind.
The truth is, no matter the reason — whether you’re at fault or not — self-hatred serves no purpose. Friendships evolve, sometimes in ways we never expected. As we grow, shaped by our experiences and the people we meet, it’s unrealistic to believe that all relationships will remain unchanged. It’s almost naïve to assume our values, priorities, and desires won’t shift over time. We are not the same people we were a year ago, and we won’t be the same a year from now.
Accepting that truth helped me find peace. And while letting go of a friendship is never easy, these five strategies helped me move forward with love in my heart:
1. Remember that there is NOTHING wrong with you.
Someone else’s decision to walk away does not define your worth. Losing a friendship, like any relationship, can feel overwhelming, even like grief. But another person’s opinion or actions do not shape your character. Only you have the power to define who you are.
2. Prioritize self-care.
Losing someone you care about can take a toll on your self-esteem. Redirect your focus from them to you. What makes you feel good? Maybe it’s losing yourself in a Netflix binge, running until your legs turn to jelly, or quieting your mind with meditation. Whatever self-care looks like for you, embrace it. Investing in yourself is one of the best ways to heal.
3. Trust your intuition.
I’ve ignored my intuition before, brushing off that gut feeling because I couldn’t prove it. But looking back, my instincts were usually right. Your intuition is a built-in compass, guiding you toward what aligns with your path. Learning to trust it can prevent unnecessary pain and lead you toward relationships that truly nourish you.
4. Stay connected, don’t isolate.
When someone you trusted chooses to walk away, it’s easy to retreat into yourself, to let sadness turn into solitude. But just because one friendship ended doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of love and connection. Get out there, whether that means meeting new people, diving into new projects, or simply opening yourself to fresh experiences. Life is still unfolding, and there’s more waiting for you.
5. Let go with gratitude.
Letting go doesn’t mean erasing the past or burning old memories in anger. It means holding space for what was, cherishing the moments you shared, and being grateful for the time you had together. Friendships don’t have to last forever to have meaning. Some people enter our lives for a season, teaching us lessons we didn’t know we needed. Wishing them well, without resentment, is the true definition of moving on.
At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to navigate life, learning as we go. Some connections will fade, while others will grow stronger. And that’s okay.
Because even when we lose people, we never truly lose the love and lessons they brought into our lives.