Letting Go

I recently removed myself from a very uncomfortable situation with someone I deeply cared for. This person’s unhealthy attitude and behavior toward me created a lot of unnecessary tension and anxiety. Yet, I still gave this person many excuses for their bad behavior. Without realizing it, I was enabling this person’s behavior since I did not establish firm boundaries. I was blinded by my optimism and hoped that things might change. The narrative that I had told myself, through denial, was convincing so that my self-esteem would not crumble. The realization, and my final breaking point, which I call the ‘f**k-it-point,’ occurred after an incident of heightened emotion from this other person. I remember thinking, ‘f**k this. I am done; this is too toxic for me to be a part of.’ This was when I began to wake up and realize my worth and that I needed to let this person go. However, despite the sadness that accompanied it, I was equally relieved.

Letting go is a complex concept, as you are essentially grieving a death. Like losing a limb, some of you may feel empty, lost, confused, and alone. Some people may resist letting go due to the sheer hope, idea, memories, comfort, and familiarity of that person/situation that is so heavily ingrained in their hearts and mind. It is okay to mourn and feel sad, even if the person/situation is unhealthy because you are human, and only you know what is best for you.

Here are a few tips ‘n’ tricks that may help in the grieving process:

1.     Trust in your higher power/universe/God: Whatever you believe provides you with serenity and peace of mind. You cannot control external forces fully, but you can dictate how you respond to them and give them away to something much bigger than you and your physical body – learning to trust the process.

2.     Perspective is everything: You would be surprised how reframing a person/situation can alter your frame of consciousness. You have a choice of perceiving the loss (except in a few unfortunate circumstances, such as the death of a loved one) as something ghastly and unfair or perceiving it as something to be learned and gained from. You may have lost someone/situation but can gain wisdom, a sense of strengthened self, and the possibility of a new attitude.

3.     When one door closes, another opens: Okay, so we’ve all heard this. No surprise there. However, like perspective shifting, the loss you have endured opens space for your focus to be elsewhere that you may have been formerly and metaphorically blind to. Open your eyes and see what you are around.

4.     Feel your feelings: I cannot stress enough how processing your emotions is essential in grieving. It is easy to distract yourself through video games, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc., but it is only a temporary solution to a much larger problem. Facing reality and sitting with the uncomfortableness will expedite the healing process and make you a much stronger and wiser person.

5.     Please do not blame yourself: Learning to accept the situation for what it is without judging or blaming yourself will help you in your healing journey. It is easy to go into self-attack mode or ruminate on how things could be different, but that won’t help you move forward. You are not to blame; if you are, we’re all human. We all mess up and make mistakes. Learn from the experience and move on with love in your heart.

6.     Let go with love in your heart: Fully letting go requires acceptance and love. Sending love to someone/situation, even if they have hurt you or vice versa, is beautifully heart-warming and prevents resentment and emotional baggage from developing as you grow.